I hate the player and the game

Paddy's Inferno

the 3 levels of hell

Do you think I look fat in this dress?"

When a woman asks you this, you're doomed. No matter what you say, it will be the wrong answer. She already knows she looks fat or she wouldn't be asking you the question in the first place. But if you fib and tell her that she looks skinny, she knows it's not the truth -- and she'll punish you not only for lying to her, but also for noticing that she's been packing on the pounds. She might even break into tears because, "You don't love me for who I am." Either way, you can't win.

So why do women indulge in these silly mind games?

Well, for one thing, they're women. And women think and react with their emotions -- at least more than men do, in general. But it's really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship.

The typical guy is usually clueless about the mind games women play. But play them they will, so you'd better be aware of what's going on.

Let's take a look at three different stages -- Meeting, Dating and Relationship -- to see what kinds of games the typical female plays.

Sexy clothes
She wears provocative clothing and then gets mad when you check her out ("My eyes are up here ...").
What's her mind game?: No logic here at all -- of course men are going to look and she knows it. And when they do, she castigates them for their normal and natural interest.

Shallow initial contact
She'll come on to you, flirt, even act sexually suggestive with absolutely no intention of going on a date or getting involved.
What's her mind game?: She wants to get a rise out of you to assure herself that she's still attractive to the men. Surprisingly, a lot of attached women play this game.

No phone call
She'll give out her number with no intention of dating you. Or she'll take your number and never call you.
What's her mind game?: This is another bid for power. She just wants to reassure herself that she can control men with her sexuality.

Hard to get
She turns you down for a date or doesn't return your call, even if she's interested in going out with you.
What's her mind game?: Sometimes this is simply a power play and sometimes what she wants is for you to chase her, to determine how desperate you are for sex. If you bite, then she knows she's totally in control of the relationship and you'll forever jump to the crack of her whip.

On to the Dating Stage, where things can potentially get worse...

Broken dates
She breaks your date at the last minute or doesn't show up at all without a word of apology.
What's her mind game?: She knows that the one being pursued controls the course of the relationship and she wants to ensure that you dance to her tune early on. Many women play this game to see how desperate a man is. If you roll over and puppy-dog it at this point, you might as well just put a collar around your neck.

Waiting time
She's late or not ready when you pick her up for a date. Furthermore, this is a recurring issue.
What's her mind game?: She's trying to figure out how much she can get away with. She wants to be the one calling the shots; she wants you to run after her and wonder if she's really interested in you. Furthermore, if she makes you wait for her, she sends a clear signal that she values her time more than she does yours.

Expensive dates
She wants to go to the most expensive restaurant, the most exclusive club, the hottest play -- and expects you to fund the whole thing without a whimper.
What's her mind game?: She's aware that you know that if you don't fork over the cash, you won't have a prayer of getting her into bed. To make matters worse, she might even do this if she has unequivocally no intention of having sex with you. Woe to you if you've already proven to her that you're desperate for sex -- your credit card is going to be smoking.

No sex
She gets you hot and bothered and then backs off, or otherwise restricts access to sex.
What's her mind game?: This is a perfect example of manipulation and exultation of her sexual power over you, plain and simple. She might also play this game to extract more cash from your wallet (see previous point).

Serial flirt
She flirts with other men in front of you.
What's her mind game?: What she's doing is testing to see how interested you are and underscoring the fact that she's sexually desirable to other men (so you'd better toe the line).

Inconsistent wants
She says one thing, then does another. For example, she'll tell you that it doesn't matter where the two of you go or what you do, and then pout all night when you make the "wrong" choice.
What's her mind game?: She wants to be the one finding faults with you, and not the other way around. Of course, there's no way for you to know what the "right" choices are.

And for the finale, the games women play when you're settling in...

Selfish ways
She acts any way she pleases to see if you'll tolerate her bad behavior or pushes you around to see if you'll stand up to her.
What's her mind game?: She's testing to see how "much of a man" you are (how much control she has over you), as well as arming herself with ammunition for future arguments, in case you get mad and fly into a rage.

Mind reading
She expects you to read her mind. This includes her sexual desires, her favorite restaurants, what happened to her during the day, and every other little trivial thing.
What's her mind game?: She wants to see if you care. She wants to know that you understand her feelings and listen to her. You are somehow supposed to magically guess exactly what she's thinking, what she wants and how she wants it without her having to say a word. When, naturally, you fail to "just know," she punishes you (often by cutting off sex).

Comparison to others
She compares you to her friends' boyfriends.
What's her mind game?: Women are always looking to feather their nests -- if she finds a better deal, she'll toss you aside and move on to her next victim... uh, boyfriend.

Crazy antics
She throws tantrums and generally acts unpleasant and bitchy.
What's her mind game?: She wants to know just how much crap you'll put up with.

Inconsistent wants
She indulges in contradictory thinking. She wants a manly man who takes charge, but who has metrosexual traits and loves watching romantic comedies.
What's her mind game?: She tells you that she wants you to show more emotion, but when you do, she brands you as "weak." This is yet another example of her keeping the upper hand in the relationship, by making you feel like she can be the one dumping you if you're not exactly what she wants.

So what can you do about all this? First, make yourself aware of the typical female mind games so that you can recognize them when they happen. Then, refuse to tolerate them. As soon as one crops up, put your foot down. Tell her you're not a game player and you're not going to put up with any mind games from her.

She might not like it, and it may sound the death knell for the relationship, but do you really have time to deal with this stuff? Your goal should be to retain at least some semblance of control and aim (hopefully) for a 50/50 partnership.

Unfortunately, these mind games are a reality. If women would learn to respect men and honestly communicate instead of expecting us to guess what they're thinking or manipulate us, this would be a much better dating world. But it's up to us men to turn the situation around.

(By Matthew Fitzgerald)